Having had a baby getting urinary tract infection (UTI) and suspected of it again just a few days ago when she's 1.5 years old, I have labelled myself an expert in collecting the girl's urine for analysis.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a professional how-to. Just a recount from my own personal experiences. So if it doesn't work for you, I don't want to hear about it.
Step 1: Get a baby with a high fever of over 38.5 degrees. A baby with a history of UTI is recommended.
Step 2: Go to your obnoxiously expensive paediatrician early in the morning (read: be the first person waiting at the door while the nurse is opening it), who wants to make sure that the baby is not suffering from a relapse of UTI. More tests, more costs?
Step 3: Refuse the plastic baggie that you need to place at the baby's 'flower' to collect urine. (This is just due to previous bad experiences.) Offer to take the cup instead to collect urine by hand.
Step 4: Go home. Prepare a plastic mat in front of the TV. Turn on the baby's favourite video. Make her milk (to promote peeing). Find baby in your bedroom with her pants already down, her diapers already removed (too clever this one) and her pee already on the floor.
Step 5: Undress the baby from top to toe and lie her down on the plastic mat in front of the TV. It is recommended to turn on the air-conditioner or the fan full blast.
Step 6: Wait anxiously for the first drop of pee with a plastic cup in hand. Remember, do not turn your head away because in accordance to the famous Murphy's law that states, 'She will pee when you are not looking'.
Step 7: When she walks around, follow her everywhere with a cup in hand, eye on her 'flower'. Warning: If you choose to put your face near her bottom, it is most likely that you will be farted in the face. Don't laugh. It happened. Do this for 1 and a half hours.
Step 8: Put baby to sleep (still naked) and rest your head and your hand for awhile. Think to yourself,"I can't belief she hasn't peed!" Call your husband and cry on the phone out of exasperation.
Step 9: Baby wakes up. Continue you 'cup in hand, eye on 'flower'' routine. By now, baby will crying while keeping her legs close together. Realise that baby is scared to pee without a diaper on and has been keeping it in. By the way, you can realise this only after baby pees a little on the floor while your head is turned for the 2 seconds that you are pouring hot water into her bottle to make milk.
Step 10: Bring baby to toilet. Coax her to pee by saying 'SHHH, SHHH' despite her crying and not wanting to pee. When the baby can't hold it in any longer and let go,.... GRAB YOUR CUP! SUCCESS!!
6 comments:
HAHAHa i cannot stop laughjing throughout the entire entry. see that's way funnier than the dig-my-nose picture.
I'm sure you will enjoy any story where i got farted in the face ;p
hahaha very farni seh!! So how's Humairah??
Her fever is gone but she has small red dots all over her face and body. I think it might be the false measels again.
Hope she is better now : ))
When you have a boy next time it's easier...tho hopefully you wun be caught in the same situation. Danyaal had a condom looking like thing which I just needed to placed over his birdie to collect his pee pee.. Makes it lots easier...: p
You're lucky :) though I hope that the last round for me!
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